he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
