very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
