my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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