"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
