he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
