3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
