I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
