with your own penis?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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