69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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