he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
