You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
