sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
