I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
