you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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