walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
