You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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