im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
