I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
