hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
