His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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