i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
