Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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