At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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