So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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