i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
