..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
