last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
