I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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