i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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