I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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