All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
