operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
