I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
