It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
