'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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