I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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