There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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