I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
