As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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