some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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