yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
