Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
