That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
