First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
