If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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