shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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