that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
