So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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