I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
