Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
