Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
