But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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