he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she peed on how many people?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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