You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
