someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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