i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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