OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
