It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
