Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
