Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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