OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love you.
Bad choice
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
