I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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