you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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