the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
