He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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