Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
