I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
