what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
