Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
