I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
id be glad to
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
