I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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