I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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